Hi Readers : Here are three scenes, written in response to the fifth week of the Story Grid Guild’s current program, working with the twenty skeletal scenes, requisite for every story in every genre.
This week, we are practicing the Turning Point Scene in the first quarter, beginning hook section of the story.
Shawn is calling this the Close Call Scene (if you recall, the Inciting Incident scene of the beginning hook was called the Security Breech Scene, and the Progressive Complication to Turning Point scene/s was called the Getting the Message Scene).
What follows is the way in which this Close Call Scene is shaped within varying genres.
Shawn has also, increased the number of questions needing to be answered to evaluate the scene for its ‘workability’. They are:
Question 1: Who is the antagonist?
Question 2: Who is the protagonist?
Question 3: What does the antagonist want?
Question 4: What does the protagonist want?
Question 5: What is the inciting incident?
Question 6: What is the turning point?
Question 7: What is the crisis?
Question 8: What is the climax?
Question 9: What is the resolution?
Question 10: Who won?
YOU May notice that the only differences here from the seven key questions he posed earlier, are; Who is the antagonist? What does he/she/it want? And Who won, or who got what they wanted? The seven being the 5’Cs and identifying the protagonist and his/hers/its goals. (OODs.)
Matrix Interrogation Scene Seed
1. Antagonist: Wants the protagonist’s submission, cooperation, or
confession; they must get the protagonist to comply with them
2. Protagonist: Wants to maintain their freedom, safety, or autonomy;
they must escape the antagonist’s control
3. Conflict: The Antagonist relentlessly applies pressure, threats, coercion,
or force to break the protagonist’s resistance. The protagonist refuses,
holding their ground against psychological, physical, or social
manipulation
1. Protagonist’s POV: Flora in first person, present tense, showing/telling.
2. OOD. Must escape Antagonist’s control to be free, safe, and autonomous.
3. Inciting Incident: In her dream, in a hostile dreamscape, Flora watches while the Darklord tortures her sister.
4. PC’s to TP: The Darklord gives KK more and more pain, at TP, Flora must make a choice to save her sister, or herself.
5. Crisis: Will Flora save her sister, and be eternally damned, subsumed by the Darklord, (this means; hooked by her sex, a barbed phallus in her flower) or will she let her sister be tortured to death, for her own (and her host’s) freedom?
6. Climax: ???
7. Resolution: ???
8. Who won: ???
+++
First draft--- Sapling:
Flora looked into the red glowing eyes of the Darklord. He was drooling over the unconscious form of her sister, KK ( that’s Katelego Kalisha N’sonowa, Il’oi-bonokoh, Warrior Witch, Chieftess Pangean Sisters of the Blood) the powerful black giantess now helpless in his grip.
“Got you now, my little flower. Come closer to me. Listen to the big one scream…,” and he dug his saber-like claws deep into her sister’s glistening blue-black skin.
She awoke, screaming. Every move she made, hurt her more, the claws raked deeper, her blood flowed copiously… “She can’t last much longer, my flower. Come to me while there’s still time to save her.”[RRN1]
Cringing with each new bloody screaming gout, issuing from her sister, Flora cries out, “What do you want from me. Stop it! Stop hurting her!”[RRN2]
“I want your love, little flower. I want your heart, your affection, your sex, your passion.”
“You’ve raped me before, why again?”
“Oh, not a rape, little one. No, rape won’t do. You must come to me and give me your love, willingly, because you want me.
“I need you to give me your innocence. Yes, innocent love, freely given, that’s what I hunger for. That and nothing else with save this ugly bitch!” Again, for good measure he digs deeper yet into KK’s squirming body.
“What say you, now? She can’t last too much longer.”
KK, despite her great pain, twists to look at Flora. “Spit in his eye, sister. Get out while you can!” she sends, telepathically.
“My God, KK, I can’t leave you. I can’t stand to see you hurt so.” is Flora’s telepathic answer.[RRN3]
“Then you’d better do something, cause he ain’t quitting.”[RRN4]
“I’m going to fuck him, KK. Maybe he’ll take it for love. Or maybe my love for you will come through. It’s all I have.
“Then do it, girl, I’m sending you what love magic I have left…”
Flora gets up off the floor in front of the Darklord’s throne. “Leave her be, I’ll make love with you. Stop hurting her. Come to me. I’ll take you in, willingly.”
Rudely, almost gleefully, the Darklord throws KK to the floor and advances to Flora.
Flora moves too, she lies down next to KK, her arms awash in KK’s spreading blood. “Okay come now, dark one.”[RRN5]
For a moment, the Darklord looks away from his captives to unsheathe a formidable barbed phallus. He looks back, anticipating the moment of conquest, only to be blinded by a flash of purple-gold magic light, a product of Flora’s and KK’s love.
In that moment, Flora fled her dream, awakening to a new reality. [RRN6]
#
Shithead Ambush Scene Seed
1. Antagonist: Wants to overpower, capture, or manipulate the protagonist; they must trap, deceive, or control the protagonist
2. Protagonist: Wants to escape the ambush or protect their position; they must break free from the antagonist’s control
3. Conflict: The antagonist sets a trap, using deception, coercion, or force to corner the protagonist. The protagonist pushes back, struggling to outmaneuver, escape, or regain control before it’s too late
1. Protagonist’s POV: KK in third person, limited. Present tense. Showing/telling;
2. OOD: KK must break free of the Darklord’s control, while being tortured in front of her sister;
3. Inciting Incident: KK is pulled from a delievering a final blow in a tennis match, by the Darklord. He caught her from behind…
4. PC’s to TP: KK is subjected to increasingly painful tortures until the TP. When she must create a new strategy or die;
5. Crisis: KK’s death will cause both her sister’s and her host’s death and damnation. As the Darklord is NOT negotiating with her, this is it win or lose ALL;
6. Climax: ???
7. Resolution: ???
8. Who won:???
+++
First draft---Sapling:
KK[RRN7] was home, actually not quite home, she was in the park, competing in a tennis tournament, hosted by VCC#1’s elites. She was delivering what she thought was to be a final forehand smash cinching the tourney, when in the midst of her move, she saw red, then nothing.
She awoke to find herself tightly bound in leather and chains, held in the claws of the Darklord himself. She was seeing red, red blood, hers, dripping into her eyes. Then she felt the pain…[RRN8] .
“Ah, my black beauty. You are mine now!” The Darklord’s voice chortled in her ears. [RRN9] “Mine! Mine to hurt, to defile, to humiliate, forever!” [RRN10]
“You pathetic worm! You don’t have it in you to hold me forever. You’ll fall, as you always do!” She snarled at the monstrous wolf-demon, holding her in sharp claws.[RRN11]
In snarling rage, the Darklord, dug his claws deep into her belly. Relishing in her agonized scream. He dug deeper, hoping to cut her soul from her body. [RRN12]
She stifled her scream, and summoned her blue-white magic, burning off the claws digging for her surrender.
He reacted by throwing her off of his lap, “Okay, bitch. So, you can resist me. How ‘bout this? And in a move, he vomited a large putrid bolus. It splashed on the floor at KK’s feet.
Out of it emerged, Flora. [RRN13]
Flora is screaming, not in pain, in grief and rage.
“Quiet, sis. My love. Quiet. Don’t let the monster get to you!” she urgently sends, telepathically, as the Darklord reaches out and picks Flora up, claws still dripping KK’s blood.
“Now, black witch, feel this…” as he begins raking his claws over Flora’s delicate body, leaving bloody gashes, in her pale white skin.
“Red and white. Beautiful, isn’t it, black witch? More beautiful when attended by her screams,” and he cuts more deeply into her flesh eliciting fresh screams now of pain along with gouts of fresh red blood.
“Like that, black witch? Music to my ears!” [RRN14]
“Stop! Stop! What do you want of me?”
“I want you to die!”
“Then just kill me!”
“You know, I can’t. Your blue-white magic stops me. Turn it off.”
“Turn it off and you’ll do what? Kill us both? Great deal you’re offering, Chief of Liars.”
“I am going to eat your souls. Both of you.”
“I believe you’ll try. Your ugliness.” KK has worked free of her bonds during this conversation, hiding the fact from the Darklord, who is busy licking up Flora’s blood.
“Flora, sis, hear me! Let me know you’re still alive. Please be alive.”
“I’m alive, KK, but why are you here? This is my dream.
“He’s hurting me sis. He’s done something bad to my insides.” She emits another scream as the Darklord bites into her midriff, “Do something, KK. He’s killing me.”[RRN15]
{Crisis: What is KK to do? Yield her light, and maybe save Flora, and most likely die. Or, Not, and perhaps watch Flora murdered in front of her eyes, Or, something else?}[RRN16]
KK screws up her courage, gathers her strength.
And blasts her blue-white magic directly at Flora. Not the Darklord! She encases Flora in her strong magic, in her love. {Climax}[RRN17]
And Flora responds, her red blood merging with KK’s magic which turns on her own purple-gold light. That magic light connecting her to source. A magic actualized by an act of love. What’s more loving than yielding her life’s blood to her beloved sister’s magic light.
The Darklord is blinded.
The light forces Flora awake, and out of her dreamscape. She is back home—- In KK’s arms. “I nailed that tournament, sis. Thanks. {Resolution}[RRN18]
#
And last question; Who won? The protagonist. KK survived AND saved her sister by creating a novel strategy.
+++
Hobbit Home Invasion Scene Seed
Antagonist: Wants access to the protagonist’s home resources or compliance; they must take possession of the home
Protagonist: Wants to maintain the sanctity and safety of their home; they must protect their home and retain control over it
Conflict: The antagonist intrudes into the protagonist’s space, demanding control. The protagonist fights back, resisting the loss of autonomy and disruption of their home.
+++
Frist draft, sapling.
Flora wanders about the big house, dejected and forlorn. She finally takes refuge in the little meditation garden where she had initially connected with Stan. Will I, can I, find any solace here? Why Stan, why are you so against me? Everything I’m trying to do to connect with you… you’re just throwing me away! Oh, God, Stan, Why?
She sits down at the foot of the fountain, her tears flowing freely, when a cold breeze comes up. It gets her attention, {Inciting Incident}
What’s going on? This is the one place in all Wonderland that’s protected.
Protected or not, the breeze gets colder and colder. Soon she’s shivering. Then she notices the fountain has stopped running. {Progressive Complication #1}
My god! It’s frozen solid. What’s going on h…. Her thoughts are interrupted by a nasty laugh sounding from behind the fountain.
“Yes, that’s right. You heard me. I’m over here.”
She gets up and goes around behind the fountain, now filled with black ice.
“Over here, slut. I’m over here, to your left.”
She looks to her left, and like the fountain, she is frozen. {Progressive Complication #2}
What’s happening to me? I can’t move. I’m freezing.
“No, you can’t, bitch. I’ve got you now.” And the nasty, now nastier laugh, sounds deep in her soul. {Progressive Complication #3}
“What do you want with me?”
She’s answered by the sudden appearance of an ugly garden gnome. It moves towards her, until approaching her head, it reaches out and licks her face.
“I don’t want anything with you, slut, nothing that I don’t already have.” Again, the laugh, this time attending the gnomes going to the fountain, and with a sudden move, pushes it over. {Progressive Complication #4}
She watches in horror as the frozen fountain shatters, its shards filling the garden and cruelly cutting her body.
“I’ve got you; I want your sister and your host. And, you, my darling, will help me get them.” It goes back to Flora and begins to lick the blood now staining her clothing. {Progressive Complication to the Turning Point.}
“All you have to do is, willingly, give me your love and your light.” The laugh grows in volume. It’s deafening her.
“Stop this! I can’t stand it. Stop. Please.”
The laugh grows even louder, Flora’s tearing at her ears,
Oh God, I can’t do this, I’m dying here,
“What do I have to do? You’ve got to stop this!”
The gnome, leering, begins to undress her, removing each piece of her clothing and fondling her exposed parts. The laughing grows louder yet.
“You know what you have to do, dearie. Just let me into to you.” He’s looking at her now naked body.
Let it into me? Give it my light? Take it to the source with me? Like do with it, what I’m designed to do with my host and sister, generate our magical light?
“Why, why do you need my light? It’ll change you. You won’t be able to hurt me, or anyone. Why do you want that?” she asks of the gnome, who has now exposed a twisted phallus and is rubbing it over her belly.
“Oh, you know, darling. It’s my way to your host. And you’ll do it. Cause you think it’ll make me good. And, maybe you’re right, maybe I’ll become an ally. Maybe you’ll be helping us all, and isn’t that what you’re designed to do?
“Now, open to me, darling. Open of your own accord, voluntarily, willingly. The one thing you can do to stop this god-awful laughter in your head and bring peace to your home.
“Open now!” {Crises}
Flora takes a deep breath; okay now girl, calm yourself, think clearly, what can I do. My head is going to explode if this noise keeps up one more second. The little demon is right, I am designed to bring light and love into the world to dispel evil. I don’t think Stan or KK can be hurt by the light. Okay, I’ll do it. If I can keep from throwing up.
She looks the little creature in the eye. “Okay, I’m going to let you in. Stop this sound so I can do this right.” The laughter instantly stops.
“Okay, just take it slow now. But not here.” {Climax}
She leads the gnomic demon into the house, taking it straight to the big bedroom. Still naked, she invites it onto the silk-sheeted bed.
The ugly little garden gnome mounts the beautiful tulpa. Its face is at the level of her naval, it begins again licking. Then it reaches up and puts its gnarly fingers in her mouth.
Flora, working hard to suspend her gag reflex, works on her tantric ritual. It’s hard for her to maintain her focus, the gnome is jerking and pulling at her.
She moves with more and more determination, while the gnome defiles her with fingers, tongue, and its grotesque organ. She’s failing, she can’t access her light, her revulsion is getting the best of her. The demon gnome again begins to laugh. Flora is again frozen, locked in copulatory ugliness by the demon. {Resolution}
A blackness invades the bedroom, seeps through the walls while house A.I. alarms sound throughout.
Stan and KK are… tbc
[RRN1]PC#2
[RRN2]PC#1
[RRN3]TP:
[RRN4]Crisis: What can Flora do? He wants to enslave her by her own love or kill by torture, her beloved sister. If she resists, she stands to get them both killed. If she complies, then KK will still probably get killed and she will be damned.
[RRN5]Climax: She’s complying (it would seem).
[RRN6]Resolution:
[RRN7]Protagonist: KK
[RRN8]Inciting Incident:
[RRN9]Antagonist: the Darklord.
[RRN10]Antagonists OOD
[RRN11]Protagonists OOD: to escape this atrocity.
[RRN12]PC#1
[RRN13]PC#2
[RRN14]PC#3
[RRN15]TP:
[RRN16]Crisis:
[RRN17]Climax;
[RRN18]Resolution: